do porject work although got disagreements but i dun wan to lk wan my way cos last stage le mus finish it as a grp....so even though ytday nit i rlly unhappy sometimes but nvm jus let it go lo...dododod haiz me n zi jie not fren le i gues as a fren i dun matter to him, i was jus a stray dog he picked up conveniently on the way cos he thought i looked pitiful. so now sat i stay at home, i wan to buy a new mp3 but i dunno who to call to pei me...sad sia~~~~
haiz i thought tabby would rlly feel that i want her to ask me out, but i gues she jus dun bother to do anything la.....i gues i am jus a normal fren to her......she called the others out specially to study but not me, i rlly feel hurt. even tabby oso choose the people she study with, and it so happens i am also not in their study grp.....i feel so left out la, yuan lai evrytime she jus see if i was on the way to pei her go home......i jus keep getting hurt cos i keep losing my frens so evry single fren seem to matter even much more to me....sounds ironical huh? but i gues wateva happens i will alwas have my family, tt day when i rlly could not take it i cried i cried knowing tt jie would give me a shoulder to lie on.....i cried even more when ma n kor all noticed i was crying, i cried cos in the world yuan lai someone care for me no matter how bad i am, they will alwas be der for me hugging me.I rlly dunno wat i would do w/o them, tt is why evry tantrum i throw i alwas say srry cos i am so afraid they might leave me the nxt min.
Going to jc was hell for me no matter frens or homework, but it taught me how to appreciate my family and to know myself better and to see the reality of life much more clearer.....i gues along the way as all my frens started leaving me, i kinda lost the motivation to study anymore, i didnt want to stay in jc anymore cos i knew i no longer belong der anymore but jie told me dun ever leave jc becos of frens...BCOS I AM NOT LIVING MY LIFE BCOS OF THEM!!!!!!but i gues it was alwas the reason behind why i wanted to leave jc bcos frens was why i wanted to go jc...in the end god played me and threw me down from sky high in jus 8 months time...these 8 mths happened so fast tt i din know wat i did nor did i realise i no longer have frens anymore........the promos is in just few days, and yet i was watching videos jus now when i cried to sis jus the day before...no i mus shake out of it....even though its a few days i mus try on....ttc asked me out to study i said yes, i gues in some way he oso pitied me but i am glad i still have sum1 der
i gues zi jie wants to do things this way over a game i cannot do anything, he can go fuck himself and die....
it was rlly magical tt day before when i cried, evrything jus seemed to lighten, my shoulders felt lighter i cried n cried and as i cried evrything was lighter....yuan lai i rlly have been putting too much negative burden on myself le.....i gues now i can oni take one step at a time and see how.....i dun wish to press on anymore and wish ppl would accept me anymore or do i?i rlly jus wan to be frens with lun n zi jie n smith but somehow they jus seem to ignore me more then anyone esle...i gues little green man was rit only funny ppl have the right to make frens, am it happens so i am not one of them...this is reality. even though i say i wish to give up i am still pressing on i bliv one day evrything will turn better one day a miracle will happen to even me!!!!i believe!!!