i did alot of self reflecting ytday, realise althoughi alwas tell myself i love my frens alot but i realised tt i didnt cherish my frens all along. Like for zhi lun i alwas took him for granted and naturally thought he would come to me w/o me asking him to, and i nv respected zhi lun as a fren oso nvr treated him well.Then as i keep thinking i realise if i was in zhi lun's shoes , being my fren would be a vry tiring task. Even though i alwas think why do i sacrifice for ppl but they cannot see it? But the truth is, i do not see the sacrifices they made for me as well.Well self reflecting is done all too late, i lost my fren in 12j and i no longer have a sense of belonging tt is why i am so tempted to quit school to pursue a course of my interest in poly. I feel tt i am no wanted in 12j, i have no frens to go to, no frens to tok n laugh and no frens to call me out on a weekend anymore. I see no purpose in staying anymore, bcos no one wants me to stay either;i am jus a nobody in ijc jus a invisible man....
and i seriously dunno why zi jie sddnly jus ignore me totally, i was rlly hurt rlly hurt by those words he said ,'wats the point of having so many frens?' it seems i was not a fren to him, never was he jus accompanied me out of pity...he didnt rlly meant to be my fren. he laughed and joked in front of me, it seems like i was jus thin air....
but the day bcame worse when i couldnt find a discussion room to go to, thus i had to plead zhen yang's grp to let me stay in their discussion room....when i walked into lun's discussion room, all evrybody did was stared at me for a few secs before they went back to doin their stuff only jun jie called me to take a seat...but smith was their i didnt want to make spoil the atmosphere so i went out....it was embaressing tt i was standing outside 2 discussion rooms in the libary during a the lunch hour....i was rlly sad throughout the day, didnt know how to continue on, and i don't rlly want to go to sch anymore neither do i want to stay in this place of misery anymore. I want to get out of this place, bcos all it has brought me was painful memories tt will scar me for life.When my bdae comes, its gonna be the worst day ever, tt is why i am grateful for having my family cos no matter hw lonely i am in sch on my bdae.When i step home , i know my family will welcome me with love n warmth....right now i wish i could go bac home rit away whenever i am at sch, cos i can oni feel a sense of belonging at home....i rlly hope one day , someone would see this entry and understand the misery i am gg through. I just need one single person in the world, i am putting a tagboard here, bcos if anyone tags my tagboard it would mean a miracle would happen to me...it would mean alot to me. Thank u for whoever is out there reading my diary....