today walking home alone in the streets felt depressed, i tink i am rlly reading too much into this situation. i gues i was nvr a fren to anyone bah, recently find myself keep toking abt tabby they all gg to study;deep down in my heart i jus wanted them to call me....i wanted ppl to ACCEPT me.But evryone rejected me, now i am bac to the hua yi days where i would walk alone to the bus stop, go home with nth to do. I am back to the original state. And i have discovered actually jia wei n shawn rlly lk smith's company i tink mayb it was bcos of qiu ling tt jw they all couldnt go with smith, i tink mayb tts why the big 5 is no longer a group.Instead bcos of the comin exams sung is having alot of frens to study with n oso alot of frens, unlike me nobody has asked me whther i would lk to go study....and nobody would reply to watever i say also. I gues lun was right, it was bcos i cannot hide my emotions tts why ppl are afraid to get close to me, DOES IT MEAN I CANNOT TELL JOKES LIKE SMITH N SUNG!!!I CANNOT BE UR FRENS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i can just keep quiet if evryone jus dun leave me out, now its so bad tt even if i dun go to sch i bet evryone would think haiya jessen pon agin la nvm dun care abt him la!!!i rlly wish to die sometimes, but thinking abt my family i know i cannot dissapoint them..I must study hard now so that i can win those in the study grp, so...i oso dunno i jus want to get better results then them......tabby n zi jie din wait for me aft sch they all jus ran off, i gues tabby is off studying at bpp with the guys agin and zi jie jus dun want to tok to me , nvm there's nth i can do
somtimes hor is not tt i dun wan to mingle its just i dun wan to make the atmosphere vry intense, i am scared if i am there nobody would lk say wat they want.That is why i dun dare to mix with them.